How Do I Let Go Of A Hope or Expectation?

In a previous post, I talked about the difference between an expectation and a hope. Now, let’s look at how we can move from holding tightly onto an expectation and loosening our grip to turn it into a hope.

You can do this exercise alone, but if you have a trusted friend or person to sit with you through this, I highly recommend it. And, as per other exercises, you can decide if you just want to read through this today and actually do it another time with professional assistance to guide you. It might not be easy or comfortable, so please go at your own pace.

First, think about the expectation that you have. Name it and identify as many parts of it as you can, every detail about what it is that you want. 

For example, maybe I want my relationship to work out, I want to stay married, have my partner love me, stay in my house, have children, feel desired, etc. The clearer you get now, the more we can process and let go. Of course, if things come up later, you can absolutely repeat this exercise too, so don’t worry if you can’t think of everything.

Okay, have you imagined and named everything you expect as best you can?

Now, this is the hard part, imagine you aren’t going to get it. It’s probably really gonna suck, but this is important.

Hang out here, and let yourself feel all the crappy emotions that come up with not getting what you want, and how sad, unfair and horrible that really is. Let’s not rush this. It’s probably incredibly uncomfortable, but the only way out is through.

What if I don’t want to let go of my expectations?

If at first, you don’t want to, that’s totally normal. Denial is the first stage in grief. We don’t want to let go because it’s too hard. 

You might try to bargain your way out, if only this, then I don’t have to let go. If only that, maybe I can still get what I want. This is normal too.

Perhaps you may get mad. The world is not fair, I shouldn’t have to let go! You’re right. And being angry is very understandable.

You may cry, it’s horrible that life actually isn’t fair. It’s painful, incredibly so.

And through this, we may eventually find a path to acceptance. Life sucks, it’s unfair, this is sad, and this is reality.

It may not take one sitting to move through this process. It’s called grief, and sometimes it takes a while.

How Grief Lets You See More Possibility

Grieving doesn’t mean we can’t ever hope, or have any expectations. 

If I can release and grieve that things must be a certain way, and open up to the possibility that maybe they won’t be, I may find myself a little more free. If I can go either way, allowing things to be, I may not be able to avoid disappointment, but I can reduce possible devastation. If I can remain flexible to what arises, perhaps I can find some peace.

Grief is not easy, and I encourage you to seek out others, including professional help, to receive support in this process if you are having a difficult time.

Once we fully let go of an expectation, then we are truly free to choose to hope.