How Can I Take Care of Myself When I’m Overwhelmed? (Not Your Usual Self Care Tips)

When we think of self care, what is the first thing that comes to mind? We usually think of a day at the spa with a manicure, a glass of wine, going for a walk, getting a massage. What do all these things have in common? They are things that make us physically feel better, more relaxed.

 There’s nothing wrong with that. Taking care of your physical self is a big deal when you’re feeling overwhelmed, sad, or emotionally drained.

 What I’d like to encourage though, is the under emphasized aspect of mental and emotional self care. Not the physical things we do. The way we talk to ourselves when we are stressed, anxious or in pain.

 It’s easy to go find a distraction, an outlet, or a different experience to REPLACE what we are feeling, or to make us FORGET.

 But this doesn’t help us heal. It simply slaps a band-aid onto the problem for us to handle later. Sometimes, this is what you need. Let’s also take care of our emotions and mind as we are overwhelmed. 

 I’d like you to take just a moment and do a quick exercise with me.

 When you notice you are worried, what do you say to yourself? Think of how you might “snap yourself out of it” or encourage yourself to keep going.

 Common phrases might be “don’t worry, it’s going to be okay,” or maybe “don’t forget, you still have to be thankful for...” or even “stop it!” Notice how all of these can be attempts to make the feeling go away?

 Again, these are not bad options. But there might be something that’s more helpful…

 What does healthy self care sound like when I’m hurting?

 What happens if you lovingly acknowledge and sit with your anxiety or pain?  In a compassionate voice, trying saying “Yes, this does hurt a lot, doesn’t it.” “It’s hard to be so anxious right now.” “I care about the fact I am suffering, my feelings matter to me.”

 Allow yourself to feel your feelings for a little while. Validate that your feelings are real, recognize how they’re impacting you, and allow yourself the opportunity to comfort yourself without trying to push them away.

 Notice what happens when you gently love yourself with your words. Can you take it in? Relax into it more deeply? Or not? Is it hard? Is doing this familiar or strange and new?

 It’s OKAY if this is weird or hard to do at first.

It’s not uncommon for some people to find this exercise difficult, especially if they have not talked to themselves this way before, or had anyone else say it either. Sometimes it can be hard to trust that it will actually do anything helpful. 

If you’re able to take care of yourself this way, what do you notice about yourself before, during and after this time? If you can only imagine taking care of yourself this way, what do you think might be the end result? 

If you’d like to practice self care through self compassion, check out the resources on my psychotherapy practice page here or join my Facebook group dedicated to helping you heal through life’s unexpected curveballs.