Does misery love company?

You’ve probably heard that misery loves company. And whether you believe this is true…there’s actually scientific evidence that the RIGHT company can make a difference in how you handle difficult situations.

Want proof? Let’s try a little exercise.

Pause for a moment and look at the image in this post. Go ahead, look at the steep stairs, from the bottom all the way to the top.

Imagine you have to climb those stairs by yourself. How steep will it be? How tired will you get? How long will it take? Consider those questions, and look at the stairs again. How do you feel?

Now, think about someone who loves you, supports you, encourages you and wants you to succeed. Imagine you are going to climb those stairs together. Look at the image again, think about having this person with you, close your eyes and ask yourself again, how steep does it seem? How hard will it be?

What did you notice?

In a research study by Schnall et al (2008), participants perceived a hill as less steep when they imagined they were accompanied by a friend, than if they were alone.

In other words, when we perceive we have a difficult challenge ahead of us, it may appear less difficult when we aren't alone and with a trusted friend.

And it’s not just about having someone with you, the study also found that the quality of the person by your side made a difference. Perceiving a friend was better than imagining a neutral person or a disliked person with you.

I used to think that "misery loves company" described how grumpy complaining victims want to drag other people down into their hole with them. I now recognize a different way of understanding this.

In my own darkest moments, the miserable places after loss and betrayal, I needed someone to understand just how horrible life was, to keep me company in my misery. I didn’t want to pull people down with me - I simply wanted to not be alone in my hole.

Misery loves company because being alone in the dark is painful and lonely. Misery with company makes things less miserable.

When in the midst of crisis and suffering, going it alone isn't always the best route. So, as you embark on this painful path, choose wisely who joins you. Find someone who will join you where you are, not necessarily where they want you to be.

Someone who will see the hill and want to climb it alongside you to support you and make your journey easier. It can make a world of difference.

Schnall, S., Harber, K.D., Stefanucci, J.K., & Proffit, D.R. (2008). Social Support and the Perception of Geographical Slant. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 44(5), 1246-1255. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2008.04.011